I just got a call from a friend of mine who I haven’t spoken with in a while. Among other news, she told me that they’ve just declared bankruptcy. It made my heart sink. I’m friends with her because I’ve known her husband for 21 years; we used to share an office (we are in the same profession and went to grad school together). We do the same thing (architecture), we are the same age, we moved to the city we live in on the same day. We got married within a year of each other, and we have children who are within a year in age.
I feel simultaneously incredibly sad for them, but a little angry, too.
They make less than we do, but by my calculations the amount more we make is spent on private school (which they don't have - they live in the best school district) and savings. It would be tight, but we could live on what they make.
When we shared an office, he'd get boxes once a week from Patagonia or lululemon or he'd get expensive skiing gear including new skis. His wife takes the girls every week to buy Barbies and Hello Kitty.
I don't think that anyone should ever have to go into debt for medical bills (that should be an automatically forgiven in my opinion) but he doesn't have any debt like that. This is purely overspending debt. I don't understand bankruptcy very well, but is this debt now just erased? (I understand there are consequences - but he is self employed and has a house so no need for a credit check in the near future; I guess he has to stop juggling his zero-interest credit cards? Does he lose his cards? Does he lose the ability to get another credit card- this would clearly be a good thing for him).
His wife said that bankruptcy made sense because they don't have any assets. (Maybe their equity in the house is very low? They get to keep the house, though, right?)
I am struggling to be more compassionate about this.
A Friend Declared Bankruptcy
August 11th, 2013 at 02:54 pm
August 11th, 2013 at 04:37 pm 1376239059
How awful it must feel having worked 21 plus years and have the court confirm you have no assets. It gets tricky with employment since employers/contractors avoid working with folks whose financial situation screams 'irresponsible.' I'd be mortified to have borrowed and then leave creditors holding the bag...wouldn't you?
August 11th, 2013 at 05:07 pm 1376240866
He is a close enough friend that I could approach him about how their budget works (they may not have a budget) and ask if he wants some help, excel spreadsheets or whatever I can offer.
August 12th, 2013 at 02:45 am 1376275554
I am curious why you think that medical bills should not be paid. I mean, housing is a need, too. Should architecture and building costs be likewise forgiven? Or should that money come from the money fairies like medical payments? Sure, it is compassionate to say, "You had cancer. You aren't responsible for the payments," but the makers of the chemo drugs probably want to be paid. And the makers of the hypodermic needles. The power company is probably not forgiving the hospital for the electricity. Then, the doctors and nurses probably want to eat at least once or twice a week, which usually requires money. Even those who keep the hospital clean and sterile probably like getting paid, too, and don't work for free.
Medical bills are why we get insurance while we're healthy. If you didn't plan in advance, then you cannot expect others to cover for your irresponsibility.
Your comment is a symptom of what is wrong with our country nowadays. At least you show some hope in your comment about being mortified by bankruptcy. That's just another face of the same problem.
Until we get back to people being responsible for their own decisions, then our country is going to continue on its downward spiral. By the way, "being responsible" means both paying for your bad decisions as well as profitting from your good decisions. How would you like it if they make laws that say, "You're both architects, so you have to give 10% of your money to him since he doesn't have any." Of course, he doesn't have any because he bought frivolous things, but it won't matter to the enforcers. Rules are rules, and you just lost out.
end (yet another) rant
August 12th, 2013 at 03:28 am 1376278120
My opinion is there should be a social contract regarding healthcare, and that no one should end up with huge debt due to medical bills.
Also, I know a lot of people who have health insurance but still go broke from medical bills (to me this is just not acceptable - the insurance companies take in premiums and for some people they make money and others they lose - but overall they make plenty of profit).
I agree with you that people need to be responsible for their own decisions. That's what my original post was really about: he is a close friend who has gotten himself into a deep hole but I am angry that his debt is just wiped out and yet he still keeps all of those luxury items (not to mention the money he owes me for past rent but will never pay).
August 12th, 2013 at 03:27 pm 1376321272
August 18th, 2013 at 11:09 am 1376824151
August 18th, 2013 at 02:58 pm 1376837886
That's exactly what I'm talking about - how can your debt from medical costs ($175k! insurance companies make me seethe!) and theirs from overspending be the same? But I think you are amazing and much better off having let go of it. My friend owes me money for rent from a few years ago which I have figuratively and literally let go of, and I am sure I will let go of the other feelings, too.