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Archive for June, 2017

Not Quite Back to the 50s

June 13th, 2017 at 07:22 am

I have started and abandoned and restarted this post several times... I kind of know what I want to say, but I'm afraid I will offend someone or sound like a whiny jerk.

Here goes anyway...

The situation before: D and I made almost exactly the same amount of money. I did most of the housework, but not all. My job was more flexible, but since his job was right in town, I could call on him to pick F up sometimes if I had a meeting. He worked from 9 to 5 with lunch (a little less than 8 hours) and I worked from 8 to 3 with another hour or two at home while F did her homework (so 8 hours also plus or minus). I drove her to school, picked her up, took her to practices.

Now: D is making A LOT more money. I am doing all of the housework because his commute adds about 20 or 25 mins. to either end of his day. My job is a lot more flexible, since he's in a nearby town. He works from 8 to 5 with an hour lunch (8 hours still) and my hours won't change.

Writing this, the primary things that have changed are that I now do all of the housework, and I don't have a support system built in if I have a meeting. Also it's slightly weird going from co-earner to my salary being much less than his.

Here are my thoughts:
- I am super grateful for the extra money!!
- I have lots of friends I can call on if I have a meeting scheduled for pick up time (and that's pretty rare; I can usually control that)
- I think that I'm feeling like my job is now discounted because it's more flexible (I can drive on a field trip, for example) and I now make a lot less; but we need my income (his current income alone is still less than what we made together, so I have to work)
- I was a little resentful about having both a full time job and doing 95% of the housework (another full time job! I work until everyone is in bed, essentially). But...
- I have worked that out in my head - I would much rather "pay" in housework to be the parent with the flexible job and be able to be with F as much as possible.
- D is terrible at housework - it takes him forever and he hates it.

D started his job last week and it took me until this morning to work this out. D has a commute and a boss and a "real" job (which is good for him... he liked coworkers and someone who is ultimately responsible) whereas I stay here in town, am my own boss and have a lot more control over my job (better for my personality type). And I get more time with F. And I pay for this privilege in housework.

I know some of you may suggest we get a cleaner, but the cleaning is really minor for me... it's the daily grind of breakfast dishes, putting dishes away, keeping dog hair off the floor, tidying up, getting lunches made, doing lunch containers/dishes, making dinner, doing the dinner dishes, getting the kitchen cleaned, making sure things are repaired when they need to be, buying groceries and putting them away.

I am curious if there are any other people in my position - I have stay-at-home friends I can talk to, but it's a little different because they don't have the added stress on their time of a job. And this is the part where I feel super whiny because this is such a first world problem; we have everything we need and now MORE money.

OK - need to go brush the dog and then go to a meeting (with F - it's summer - take-your-daughter-to-work season... see? flexible!).

PS - I definitely think this is a financial post. These are the kinds of things affecting working families, right?