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Budget Has to Absorb $85

February 11th, 2015 at 12:32 am

Well, I met with the psychologist today, and let's just say that our thinking on F's anxiety is different. It just wasn't a match. Please bear in mind that she's never met F, so maybe her take on the situation is biased based on her experience with other 9 year olds? Basically she said that a big part of it is probably attention-seeking. (My take: F is very frustrated by the unwanted anxious thoughts; she is an only child and gets tons of attention; right now she is playing with D who just got home). She also suggested that if F came in to see her, she'd have her do drawings to explain her feelings since she's "only 9." (My take: F is not much of an "art" kid and doesn't feel super comfortable with art, but is very verbal and loves making up stories; I'm not sure what "only 9" means since F is very capable of describing her feelings and so are the other 9 and 10 year olds I know). Lastly, she wants to find the source for the worry; did we not hug her very often - !!!! - or maybe it was because she was a preemie. (My take: she has had bouts of anxiety since she was 2; I think she's just that kind of kid; I was that kind of kid; sometimes there is no trauma involved).

So, anyway, I spent $85 on the appointment, and I made another appointment, but I'm going to call and cancel. I just don't feel that it's right for us. (You may agree with the psychologist, but I think with a psychologist, it has to be right for your specific family).

In good news: dropoff was so much better today, and at pickup she didn't have any big worries to report. We decided that 3:30 would be our "worry time" and other times she'd try to put her worries into an imaginary box to discuss later. This seemed to work pretty well. We've also taught her some anxiety management tools and she's been doing relaxation techniques.

In other good news: my dad is fine after surgery. We can't wait to visit my parents in CA in March!!!

10 Responses to “Budget Has to Absorb $85”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    Knowing people who have visited with therapists, I know it has to be the right fit. And likely you know right away. And knowing the anxiety is the issue, I would say it is best to find the right fit for you and your daughter. I hope the next person is a better fit! ((Hugs))

  2. Buendia Says:

    Thank you! I think I'm feeling weird about it because she's someone I saw a long time ago... doubting myself. But I know what is and isn't right for our family.

  3. Carol Says:

    I agree fit has to be right. Brain chemistry is a wondrous thing. The tools you are using now seem spot on and a good fix till you can find someone who's a good match. Best of luck! PS Some times a therapist is right at one time and not so right for another situation.

  4. LuckyRobin Says:

    Was she actually a pediatric psychologist? Adult psychologists who took one class on child psychology are really not going to work here. You want someone specifically trained to work with children. Sometimes the counselor at school will have a list or you can often get one from your pediatrician.

  5. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    This person doesn't sound like they know what they are talking about - making a lot of assumptions.It sounds like a good idea to keep looking.

  6. VS_ozgirl Says:

    The idea of setting aside time to worry is very good, I think it should be helpful for her

  7. littlegopher Says:

    She may have been the right person for you, but I agree with Robin that your daughter may fit better with a pediatric psychologist. School social workers or counselors do often keep a list, and also some health insurances have a mental health advocates that can be very helpful in finding that right fit (someone who specializes in anxiety.)

    In the meantime, you are doing perfect - acknowledging her emotions, giving her extra time and hugs. Best wishes!

  8. laura/the deacon's wife Says:


    I also think that if there is a preoccupation with worrying (i.e., a therapist "digging" to find the root cause which could be a transient concern) that might perpetuate the worrying that the child does. Not totally saying that anyone who worries is suggestible, but I've found that acknowledging the feeling of the moment, providing comfort, then a diversion can work. And if F isn't into art, it won't be beneficial. If she's a highly verbal girl, communication is her mode and I'd work with that. Drawing is helpful with trauma events (safer way to access, detaching child and making him/her third party in control of what they share). Definitely find someone specializing with kids is probably key to everyone's success. Hoping that F has a good remainder of the week. Sometimes a key word helps, though in my house there are 5 kids vs. 1 and sometimes that one word is easier to use and say "Mom, I need you now because I'm really worried."

  9. MonkeyMama Says:

    Yeah, that doesn't sound useful at all. I have very verbal kids and mental illness runs in my family. The guilt laid on my parents for my sister's mental health issues certainly did nothing more than make a very bad situation worse. Oh yes, and of course she just wanted attention! (UGH!) I forgot about that diagnosis... I see tendencies in my son and I would hope for coping skills and/or medication when/if we turned to a professional. He will be blessed to have help that his elders never had or got way too late in life.

    (Not saying your child has mental illness, but just that I relate that trying to explain away brain chemistry with trauma is not something I would find very helpful!)

  10. Buendia Says:

    Thank you everyone! This really helps! We're going to try the "one word" and coping skills are exactly what she needs!

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